If They Only Understood

In 2008 I re-discovered running.  I guess I should really say that I discovered the joy of running in 2008.  I had run in high school and when I was in the Army, but I hated it.  In 2006 I started running more in order to keep in shape, but still didn't care much for it.  It was 2008 when a couple of friends talked me in to running the Dam Fool 4 Miler and got me hooked on running races.  Since that time I've run 5 Marthons (The Myrtle Beach Marathon, The Columbus Marathon three times and the New York Marathon).  I've run close to 40 or 50 Half Marathons and a couple of hundred races of shorter distances.  During that time I couldn't understand why people didn't want to run.  I apparently had formed some type of amnesia, forgetting how much I had hated running earlier in my life. I could not fathom why it was that my friends and co-workers didn't want to run with me.  It was fun!  Others didn't see it that way, but I tried to convince them.  If only they would give it a try, they would find the joy that I had found.

Fast forward eight years.  In an effort to "expand my horizons", "try something new", "get outside of my comfort zone", I signed up to take Beginners Ballroom Dancing through the Dublin Recreation Center.  A co-worker took the class with me so that it wouldn't be too awkward.  It was, most definitely, outside of my comfort zone.  Aside from a couple of "slow dances" when I was in school, you know those dances where you shuffle your feet back and forth and turn in a circle, I had never danced.

After I had gone through the six weeks worth of lessons, I still didn't feel any better about my dance abilities.  But that really wasn't the point anyway.  It wasn't like I was going to be going out dancing on a regular basis.  I was just trying something different.  But I sort of liked this new activity and decided to sign up again the next time around.  This time I liked it a little bit more.  I felt a bit more comfortable and, while it was still outside of my comfort zone, it was a little more.  So, I did it again.

As time went on I continued to do group classes and my instructor told me of someone she knew who wanted to take classes, but needed a partner.  So, not only am I dancing, but NOW I'm going to start taking lessons with someone I don't know....SURE...WHY NOT?  Nothing uncomfortable about that, especially for an introvert such as myself.  (Do you feel the sarcasm coming from the page?).  Let's throw something else in to the mix....let's start going to dance parties every month...and if that's not enough, let's have a different partner every time!  Yes...."Introverts Unite....In your own homes.....separately!"  has always been my motto, and now I've traveled so far outside of my comfort zone that it can't be seen in the rear view mirror.

The funny part of all of this is, that as uncomfortable as it is, I enjoy it.  As a matter of fact, I love it!  I love it so much that most of my co-workers are sick of hearing me talk about.  I love it so much that I also take individual private lessons and am planning on eventually competing in Dancesport competitions.

So, much like when I started running....I have been trying very hard to get my friends and co-workers to give it a try....find the joy of dancing.  I think people hear "ballroom dancing" and a certain picture comes to their mind.  Many have made fun of me for doing this...but I don't care.  If they only understood.  Some have called me "obsessed".  Maybe I am, but I don't care.  If they only understood.  Some people think I spend too much money on it...well it's not their money, it's mine...and if they only understood.

Running and dancing have both been activities that give me a release from the stress of my job.  Those who read my last blog entry know that things at my job can get bad.  It is considered one of the most stressful jobs out there.  Any day at any time, we can face the worst of what people can do to each other or themselves.  So think whatever you want about how I have chosen to get away from that stress.  Running and dancing have saved me from burning out more times than anyone knows.  They have both been more than worth the monetary cost.

It Was a Bad Day

I often tell my students that people do not call us to tell us that they are having a good day.  In a lot of situations, when someone calls to talk to someone in my line of work, they are calling on a bad day.  For many, it may be the worst day of their life.  Many don't understand the toll it can take on the dispatcher.  To listen to these calls, want so badly to jump through the phone and make everything alright, but know that the best you can do is send help and offer some type of reassurance.

Because of this, I work very hard to maintain a positive attitude.  I am a firm believer that, in most cases, you "choose your mood".  Anyone who knows me has figured out how I choose to work out my stress.

I'm a runner - I've run 5 marathons, nearly 40 half-marathons and numerous 5K's, 4 Mile, 5 Mile, 10K's and other running events.
I'm a "dancer" - I still put that in quotes, because I'm still new at the activity/sport, and I know I've got a LONG way to go to really be able to do it with any real amount of proficiency.

But regardless of how good or bad I am at either, both help me to relieve stress and keep that attitude.  When I have that occasional bad day, running and/or dancing help me to focus on something else, sweat out the bad mojo and move on.

Recently however, I ran in to one of those days where I just couldn't shake off the bad.  I was nearly done with my normal 8 hour shift.  Nothing out of the ordinary had really happened.  I had four more hours to go, as I had agreed to work part of a shift for a co-worker who needed the day off.  That's when the bad stuff started.  I took one of those calls that no dispatcher ever wants to take, but which all of us will take several times in our careers.  The wife screaming on the phone because she just found her husband in the back yard with a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.  I wasn't the primary call-taker this day, but he was on another call, so I picked up.  I wished I hadn't.  It was difficult to listen to the caller as she spoke some of the last words she would ever say to her husband.

The next call came from a woman who found her husband unconscious in his car.  The doors were locked and windows rolled up, an empty bottle of vodka laying next to him on the seat.  As I processed the call for what I'm thinking is going to be an intoxicated unconscious person, my caller mentions that she thinks her husband might have also taken some pills.  Further questioning reveals that this too is a suicide attempt.  The reaction from his wife was much different than the previous call, which made it also difficult to comprehend.  I wasn't the primary call-taker this day, but she was on another call, so I picked up.  I wish I hadn't.

The next call came from an insurance company.  They had been talking to one of their customers.  The customer was upset over some issues.  She admitted to the customer service person at the insurance company that she was not taking the medication she needed.  The condition she had made her susceptible to harming herself.  She told the insurance company representative that she was just going to "blow her brains out." then hung up.  I was not the primary call-taker this day, but she was on another call, so I picked up.  I wish I hadn't.  After the previous two calls, it was difficult to imagine the possibility of having responders pull up to another call like this.

The next call came from a resident who started by simply saying over and over again, "I f***ed up".  I tried to find out more, but he wasn't saying much.  I thought I could hear bath water in the background.  I had a bad feeling.  All I could think was that my caller had slit his wrists and was sitting in a warm bath tub.  In the end, it turned out that I was right.  He had done exactly that.  The call turned even more stressful when the address he was giving me didn't appear to be correct.  I tried to get the caller to go to the door so my responders could find him.  He said he was, but I could still hear the bath water clearly in the background.  I wasn't the primary call-taker this day, but she was out of the room, so I picked up.  I wish I hadn't. Listening to someone so distraught that they believe the only alternative is to take their own life is stressful.  Taking it for the fourth time in just a couple of hours....well that's even more stressful, taking the call from the actual victim, trying to locate him, trying to connect with him, trying to convince him to help me to get him help. It's not easy, and saying or doing the wrong thing could mean someone dies.

The next call came from the mother of a teen.  She had received a call from a friend of her son saying that he was having a reaction to the marijuana he'd been smoking.  Mom couldn't say what the reaction was, but said it sounded to her to be more severe than a reaction to marijuana.  The friend then told mom that her son had "taken a couple hits of acid earlier."  To add to the confusion, mom did not know where her son was.  The friend could only tell her that he was at a park that was closer to some other park.  I was pretty familiar with the "other park" where he wasn't.  But had never heard of the park where the friend told mom they were.  I was not the primary call-taker this day, she was on another call, so I picked up.  I wish I hadn't.

In over 19 years doing this job, I've taken calls similar to all of the calls I took on this particular day.  We learn how to deal with them.  We work through the stress.  We run or dance or do whatever we do to relieve the stress.  But these five calls came in during a three hour time span.  Any one of them is a lot to deal with, but all five in three hours...they hit me.  It took a bit more time to work through.  I ran some, I danced some, I worked some, I prayed some and eventually I got to a point where I didn't obsess and moved past it.

I got a lot of encouragement and offers to listen from some great friends and co-workers, for which I am very grateful.

I do this job because I want to help people. But I hope I don't have to help quite so much in the future.